So I’ve been having this thought for quite a while now. Let’s start with this, life has been amazing and so evolutionary lately. Over the past 6 months, my life has shifted so incredibly, it’s hard for me to comprehend anything outside of where I am at right now. Yesterday, I found myself in various coffee meetings and conversations around this topic and finally the insight came in, “I think it’s time to write a blog post about this.” It seems silly because I used to write blog posts all of the time (like, daily sometimes), and when I really got into instagram, I stopped writing long blog posts and just started writing daily blog posts in the form of Instagram. And that is so much fun (I am so grateful for that platform). But here’s the funny thing, over the past few months, every single time that I have written out an instagram post (I usually write it in evernote or in email on my laptop and then copy and paste it into instagram now), I am ALWAYS over the word limit. Like, every single time. So finally yesterday I decided to pay attention and the message came in, “write a blog post”. And here I am.
Things have been shifting.
I think one of the biggest shifts for me is the internal relationships. The environment within. The thoughts that are thought. The feelings that are felt. There is so much more space for beauty and light. I am sitting at Elysian coffee in Mount Pleasant (Vancouver) right now, sipping on an almond milk latte (shout-out to Nuez). And I am filled with so much happiness already. From the moment I walked in (and on the walk here). We are constantly presented with opportunities to connect to the divine. From our interactions with strangers, to the gifts and abundance that we are surrounded by. This might sound mushy gushy, but hey- it’s the truth. And I certainly used to find that this stuff was such a drag, to do gratitude lists and to talk about how ‘wonderful life was’. Yea right lady- as if you really believe that. Or, ‘she lives in la la land’.
The play by play goes a little something like this:
when I received my almond milk latte I couldn’t help but really admire the beautiful heart (latte art) but also how perfect this latte looked. Also, the barista who mad my latte was wearing this beautiful baby blue fleece sweater and she just looked so cozy and delightful. So then, I walked to my seat and noticed a baby in a stroller with his parents. I noticed a voice telling me to interact in some way, and I looked down to see that this baby was wearing horse pj pants. His mother and I had a short conversation with each other about how amazing they were- connection. I then sat here to begin writing and I checked my calendar quickly. I noticed one of my clients name for Monday morning and had a quick check-in with her energy. Seconds later, she messaged me. 5 minutes later, she was feeling better and felt heard and seen. My heart filled up some more. Then, a woman asked if she could use one of my chairs to sit with her family- I said yes with so much happiness. My heart filled up some more. Basically, within 10 minutes I was able to fill my heart so full of life, connection, gratitude and grace. It’s pretty amazing.
So the reason I wanted to write this blog post today is because my brand (and I) am (and have been) shifting. I started Chloe’s Countertop in October of 2012 originally as a space for me to share my thoughts, ideas and inspiration around Holistic Nutrition. I was near to graduating as a Certified Nutritionist and had recently become overwhelmed with so much passion for food, recipes, cooking, and holistic wellness. Suddenly, I felt like I had purpose again (after feeling so lost for the better part of my life). This felt like a really big time in my life. I found my tribe, I was building my confidence and I was learning that I was worthy of being seen and loved. My healing process began. What a time that was.
I look back and remember so many beautiful moments and a lot of tough times too. When I was challenged to stretch, when my fears and insecurities got the best of me, when my boundaries were tested. You could say that I was beginning to experience what it felt like to feel good, but I certainly didn’t have an idea that I had a say in this. It was more of an experience of “oh, I feel good now”, followed by “wow, I feel terrible”. My sense of self was shaky. Whenever it was questioned or I faced an experience of judgment or disappointment, my tower would collapse and I would fall to the ground again. Deep despair, sabotage and discomfort would show up. There was a time when I posted a recipe and blog post and my integrity was questioned. I remember my world crashing around me when this happened. As if the doors opened and the ‘imposter complex’ (I think a podcast episode or blog post on this subject is coming soon) came flooding in. Threatening all of this new found happiness.
That was a big year. When I look back now, I have so much love for that girl. She really did try her best and really was so powerful. She was creating incredible work and the biggest part is that she was creating during a time when she was practicing major self-sabotage. Long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, graduated from IHN (Institute of Holistic Nutrition), started my business, started a new tribe of friends, kept the pressure and weight of my parents’ relationship on my shoulders and all the while, tried to navigate the dark waters of an eating disorder. When I broke up with my boyfriend, things got dark. I was running fast. I was running hard. There was so much duality in my life at that time. I would spend my days talking to people about holistic nutrition, cooking delicious and nourishing food for others, and my nights would be filled with partying, drinking, drugs and destruction. All of the space had to be filled. The thought of sleeping in my bed alone was crippling. I would do anything to have someone there with me, even if it just meant sleeping next to each other (not having sex). I’ll never forget this one time when my friend was meant to come to mind and stay the night (and have a solid evening of drinking, eating and numbing) and she ended up getting into a car accident on the way. I remember barely even thinking about the fact that she got into the accident, I was just so upset and angry that she was leaving me high and dry last minute. Of course, as I moved through my contact list looking for someone to do something with- there was no one. I was alone.
(A break in story-time): I just took a bathroom break and realised something. I haven’t actually allowed myself to sit and write like this, in years. It’s been years. There has been a block of energy. And today, it is flowing. And I am being reminded of something so incredible. Yesterday, I met with a beautiful soul who came to the first Witchery dinner. As soon as we sat down, I got the message ‘you are meant to be here with her right now’. She taught me so much in that 1 year coffee date (and the funny thing is that we sat right at the table that I am currently sitting at. She began to share her stories of where she is at now and how she too is trying to navigate ‘who she is’ in her career/work life. And it hit me- that is WHY I used to write and share. There was nothing quite like the feeling of when you would expose your heart and bare your soul, to then have someone say the next day that you inspired them to do the same. Or that your truth has allowed them to express theirs. That is the most incredible gift that anyone could give me. And I loved feeling it when I first started Chloe’s Countertop. And now, what I am realising is that what was happening is that spirit was telling me to keep going. It was affirmation and validation for my courage. And the truth within that is that I never did it for that. I did it for this- this exhilarating feeling that I get as the words enter my consciousness and show up through the movement of my fingers on my keyboard. This is consciousness. This is spirit. We are all here for this. For this connection. If there is any part of my writing today that makes you feel less alone, more connection or big nods of ‘yes’– that is because you too are connected to spirit. You too are meant to be here. Being here is a gift. We are here to experience love and light. We are here to celebrate the simple moments of pure happiness. Whether it is seeing a dog see his owners after 5 minutes of them being gone. Or a baby wearing horse pj pants. Or staring into a babies eyes and feeling seen. We are all here to be in this expression of life.
So how do we get there? I know, it’s big question. And if you aren’t in the experience of it, or you don’t know how to get there- the truth is that there is no ‘quick fix’ to get there. It is a movement. A journey. An exploration of what lies within and how it shows up outside of us. The biggest piece is that it is about trusting that where you are is where you are meant to be. The other piece is in trusting that where you feel drawn is where the next step lies. Whether that is a person/mentor, a trip, a shift in job or relationship or just a change in the course of your day (schedule).
Going back to my story. So 2013 was a challenging year for me. And somehow at the end of 2013, I found myself in Dubai, visiting my Dad. It was during that trip that I met Faris, my husband. For the sake of getting through this blog post before my inspiration escapes me, I will keep this part of my story brief today. The underlying truth is that I spent the next 3.5 years exploring my life and the various energies that show up. I continued to work as a Holistic Nutritionist in various capacities and one constant that remained was Chloe’s Countertop. Whether it was through writing, taking photos, sharing recipes or the odd catering/personal chef jobs, Chloe’s Countertop continued to hold space for my growth and development. I traveled the world, met a lot of amazing people, built friendships, and gradually began diving deeper and deeper into my consciousness.
I’m going to fast-forward to March of this year (2017). I was in Costa Rica, hosting my Living in Light retreat with a group of really beautiful women (this retreat is coming up again in Feb 2018 and there are spots available). Here’s the thing, no doubt the seed had been planted much before this, but when I go back into my memories, this is the first time that I remember verbalising this new desire. The truth is that my Mentorship and work with myself and others had already very much included intuitive work and psychic work, but it was less intentional and more just there. A part of who I always was. So I was sitting at lunch in the jungles of Costa Rica chatting with the women and I said outloud, “I am going to be doing a lot more work with intuition”. It’s funny because at the time, it just seemed to be a normal part of conversation, but when I look back- I can see very clearly that spirit was speaking through me. Informing me of what was on its way. When I returned to Vancouver, let’s just say things shifted very quickly. Within weeks, I had noticed a course by one of my teachers: Become a Professional Intuitive. I really didn’t have a great idea of what this actually meant, but I knew that I had to do it. There was no question of it. A similar feeling (but stronger) to what I felt when I decided (quite spontaneously) to become a Holistic Nutritionist. Another step in the unseemingly linear journey. So I did it. Before I knew it, the course had been and gone and I began existing in the belief that I was not only intuitive (something I have always known and stood in) but I am psychic, and I am here to do this work.
Ever since I can remember people have told me that I am psychic. As a little one, I always knew exactly what people felt, a lot of the time what they were thinking and definitely I knew people’s energies without meeting them. My Mum used to always find it so funny when she would tell me about someone new and I would know EXACTLY who they were and what they dynamic was without her saying anything. Just a name. Or even a thought. That’s the thing about intuition though- we are ALL intuitive. The difference between being intuitive and working with and from your intuition is big though. It’s like knowing that you are a good speaker, but never actually speaking to groups or doing public speaking. Or knowing that you have the talent to be a painter, but never actually painting. And that’s the funny thing about purpose- a lot of the time, we resist it. Because stepping into purpose means believing that you are powerful. It means that you are choosing to believe that you ARE amazing, gifted, beautiful and worthy. And not only that, but you are also choosing to leave the limiting beliefs and stories behind- and you are willing to stand in this universal truth for the rest of the world too. Holy crap it’s big (and at the same time, it is light and fun #notsoserious). No wonder we go on such big cyclic journeys, just to find ourselves back where we started.
So this brings me to today. I’ve been practicing and standing in my professional intuition practice and psychic work for 7 months now. It is has been an amazing 7 months. I have shed a lot of weight (energetic weight) and so many stories have lost there way. My foundation feels very solid and I have never felt more connected to my purpose. I know why I am here. And I am also in full awareness that where I am will and is continuing to shift. Because we are ALWAYS expanding. Just when we feel like we have got it and we are done growing, something new comes in. That is what life is. Is it a consistency of energy, movement and flow. The rise and fall of the sun, the ebb and flow of the ocean’s tide, the beginning and end of life. It is not about what is happening- it is about who we are in the flow. It is about our relationship with ourselves and our truth, in the ebb and flow of life.
And within this changing energy, the conversation of ‘brand identity’ shows up. Who is Chloe? Who is Chloe’s Countertop? What is Chloe’s Countertop now? Does it still include food and nutrition? Has Chloe left food and nutrition behind? The simple answer is nothing changed and everything has changed. What I have come to realise, is that when we go from knowing something in our mind to knowing it on a cellular level, the desire and need to focus on it and understand it on a thought-level becomes less necessary. It is as if alignment takes place on such a cellular level, that it is just there. It just becomes what it is, energy. Available to us when we need it or want it, but also not always needing focus. This is something that I have noticed in many spaces- not just food and nutrition. The need and desire to talk about various subjects is no longer present. We don’t always need to talk about things with everyone. Sometimes we just need to sit in silence, and trust that the answer/response/solution/step forward will show up when it is truly ready. It’s about trusting. I will say that one of the biggest difference between where I am now versus where I was in 2013 is trust. My relationship with trust has shifted. When we truly trust (universal trust), there is less space for panic and fear. I once read that a life without story is true freedom. I never really understood what that meant until recently. When we stop making up and following our stories, we are truly present to the truth of life.
“The heart can bear it all. No matter what you history is, no matter what your circumstances are, no matter how many lies you have told or covered up, in this moment, you have the capacity to come back to yourself and discover the complete truth of your being.” (Gangaji)
All brands evolve. Whether it is a personal brand or a corporate brand, there is evolution. Why? Because without us, there is no such thing as business and brand. Everything is an energy. And companies have personalities and energies too. And they change. When it is a personal brand, they might even change more, depending on the pace at which you evolve. There is an opportunity for the resistance (fear of disappointment, judgement, approval, rejection), or there is an opportunity to allow and to flow. A few months ago, someone asked me about the name of my business, Chloe’s Countertop and whether it still resonated and fit. When I was first poked on this subject- I was defensive. Of course not. I will never change the name. It’s my baby. It’s always been there for me and I love it. People know me as this brand and name. And then, there is the sprouting of the seed that has been planted. There is an evolution here. And the evolution will continue. We are not meant to be stagnant. And our brands are not meant to be stagnant either. When we resist it, we suffer. It’s plain and simple.
So yes, I am evolving. Yes, I have evolved. Yes, there might be a brand/business name change soon….(who knows). There might even be some shifting in the look and feel of the brand. This is very much in alignment with the fact that the look and feel of who I am in this world is shifting. This week, I skyped one of my besties who lives in Spain. She has been my best friend since the day I moved to Vancouver over 10 years and certainly was with me during some of the darkest times. It’s been a while since we have chatted and when we started talking about me, she shed some tears. Tears of happiness and bliss- for witnessing how happy and connected I am- and the changes that have taken place. The evolution. Celebrating in the evolution. Because deep within her, there is an affirmation that she too can shift and evolve. And so can you. You do not need to stay stagnant. I know that change can be scary and there is the threat of ‘losing yourself’ and the people around you. I am here, writing to you today, to let you know that flowing with evolution is beautiful and field with so much beauty. The scary parts can actually end up being some of the most beautiful and the biggest part- the people that are MEANT to stick around- will stick around. The ones who drop away, are meant to take a different path. And that is ok. We are not meant to be connected to every single person in the world (on a conscious level). Spiritually, we are all connected. At the same time, we are all on our own version of this life journey.
So here I am. Chloe the intuitive healer. I work with my psychic gifts, my knowledge in holistic nutrition and psychology and my connection and understanding of the universal laws and spirit- to live in my purpose and help support and love those who come into my path. I am so happy to be in a place of knowing that I am meant to be doing this work. And I love it. I am so grateful to be where I am. Oh, and yes- I still eat delicious holistic food, cook and create recipes and work with people on their relationship with food. It’s just taken a whole new approach to it and in my humble opinion, even more powerful and fun. By the way, I’m now at home and just cooked up an insanely delicious and nourishing bowl of corn and potato chowder… with vegan cheese. And I sit in so much gratitude that my body decided to let me know that this was what to make this afternoon.
Thank you for being a part of this journey and this evolution.
And the ride continues….
If there is something inside of you that is curious about working with me (or coming on a retreat with me), feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org- I am always here to chat. Also, you can browse through this website to get a good feeling of who I am and sign up for my brand new newsletter series called ‘The Divine Download’ that will come out every month and serves as a channeled message from my guides about the month ahead and the current energy (and some tips and tricks of navigating through it). Sign up for my newsletter here to receive this monthly goodness.
My offerings now are:
Intuitive Healing Mentorship: one on one coaching with me
Intuitive Readings: 1 hour sessions with me
If this post really resonates with you and you have a desire to dive deeper into your intuition and the connection to spirit, I am co-hosting a retreat on the Sunshine Coast, BC with psychic medium, Natalie Miles in October and it is an intuition retreat called Light Up. Head here to find out more (there are just 2 spots left!)
ps. Love to you, Natalie for pushing me with one final message to write this blog post <3 and everyone else who has been a part of this shift…. xo